Written by Ted Crawford, LMFT
Clinical Therapist, Pine Grove’s Outpatient Services
Bullying before social media was bad enough, but now, for several reasons, using social media to ridicule or harass someone is like bullying on steroids:
- It can be done 24/7 and, as long as you have a phone in your hand, it can reach you in your most private spaces.
- Since much of it is anonymous, or at least not face-to-face, bullies tend to be much more bold and malicious.
- It can be witnessed by countless numbers of people, and can include pictures, all of which can be saved or screenshot before you can have it taken down.
Research shows that boys tend to bully by “sexting” or by threatening physical harm, whereas girls tend to use the spreading of rumors and lies, exposing the victim’s secrets, or by excluding them from groups.
If your child or adolescent is being targeted, teach them that it’s crucial not to respond in anger to any of the messages or posts written about them, no matter how hurtful or untrue. Encourage them to think ahead by asking them, “What’s gonna happen when you fire back at them?” Take them through the process. They instinctively know there’s no scenario ending in the bully telling them, “You’re right, Jessica. I am so sorry… I should have never said those things about you… I will now repent and join a convent.” Retaliation is merely joining their ever-escalating game of humiliation, and you become less innocent with every vengeful response you make.
Instead, use the following guidelines:
- Save the evidence! Keep text messages or screenshot the page and report it to a trusted adult. Of course, you may not be that “trusted adult” in their mind because they’re afraid of you somehow making things worse or more embarrassing, but at least get them to agree to show some other adult such as a (teacher, counselor, etc.,) that you guys agree on.
- Report physical threats and inappropriate sexual messages to the police. Many cases can be prosecuted.
- Prevent all communication from the cyberbully when possible. Block their emails, cell phone number, and delete them from your social media. Report the harassment to their internet service provider (ISP).
- Be relentless. Cyberbullies rarely restrict their attacks to just one or two incidents, so if you’re having no luck blocking their access to you, you must match them by reporting every single incident until it stops. Do not put up with it!
- Encourage your child to make a pact with at least two or more friends, (the more, the better) to take up for each other when one of them is cyberbullied. Not by retaliating, rather, by merely asserting their opinion, either on social media, in person, or both, that what the bully said or did was not cool! They should do this when they witness others outside the group being bullied as well. There’s power in numbers, and when bullying turns “uncool,” it will stop.
Several authors on this subject assert that among the primary reasons bullying occasionally escalates to suicide, is the fact that parents, teachers, and other school officials do not take it seriously enough, and/or are too concerned about protecting the school’s reputation rather than protecting the victims. Until schools receive enough pressure to begin responding, we parents must take it on. Other than the concrete guidelines suggested above, what else can parents do to protect their children? Do whatever we can to build their self-worth. Of course, that topic is too broad to address in this article. Just know that it involves giving them lots of warmth and nurturing, and balancing it with the teaching of limits and accountability. This builds within them the resilience needed to rebound from the abusive behavior of others… and who knows, it may even reduce the chances of them being targeted in the first place.
